Stealth (2005)

This week on Alcohollywood, Jared and I fly solo (along with sentient Maillbot J4R.3D) as we check out the 2005 flop Stealth! In this notorious cross between Top Gun, 2001, and an Incubus music video, Stealth follows hotshot pilots Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx (fresh off his Oscar for Ray) as they contend with an experimental AI fighter (voiced by Prison Break‘s Wentworth Miller) who goes rogue after…getting hit by lightning? This two-hour epic is full of director Rob Cohen’s particular tics, porting the zooming-though-vehicle-mechanics CG shots from The Fast & the Furious and the obnoxious nu-rock soundtrack of xXx, but those are just the beginning of what promises to be a very bizarre, baffled post-film discussion. Check out our episode, along with our custom cocktail and drinking rules!

(This episode is sponsored by Cards Against Humanity as part of the Chicago Podcast Coop!)

Related Links:
The ‘Cast Next Door – Clint’s co-hosting duties covering another Rob Cohen movie!
OFC Fringe Show – Get Tickets to Our Fair City: Human Resources!
Fan Page on “(She Can) Do That,” the Bowie/BT Song used in Stealth

LISTEN HERE OR DOWNLOAD:

THIS EPISODE’S DRINK: Here’s To Your Stealth

We chose an appropriately ex-TREEEME drink for such an Incubus-y film. Since stealth fighters could conceivably jam sensors, we used marmalade as the base. Combine that with Sam Shepard’s green apple fetish in the film, some lemon juice for extra tartness, and Monster energy drink for the Hot Topic-riddled child in all of us, and you’ve got a beverage worthy to pour out for your homey Jamie Foxx. 

1 tbsp orange marmalade
2 parts green apple flavored vodka
1 part lemon juice
1 part Monster energy drink

1. Combine marmalade, vodka and lemon juice into cocktail shaker with ice; shake until mixed well.
2. Pour over ice into rocks glass, and top with Monster energy drink. Crank up the Incubus and chug!

DRINKING RULES FOR STEALTH:

1. whenever the film clearly switches from its dizzying CG dogfighting shots to shots of the actors in the cockpit
2. Every time the characters lapse into military jargon nonsense or technobabble
3. Any time you see bowls of green apples (usually around Sam Shepard’s evil general)

FINISH YOUR DRINK WHEN:

Josh Lucas awkwardly says to Jessica Biel, “You and me, we’re 2… that’s a prime number, which makes it a lucky number, and I think we are very very lucky…”

Join us next week as we dip into the animated well for another lost classic – The Thief and the Cobbler!

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