This week on Alcohollywood, we review The Avengers! Now, we went through Marvel Month so that you, our loyal followers, could be completely ready for this cinematic masterpiece. Unfortunately, it seems our airdate this week comes before the actual release date of the film in the United States, so we thought we’d just cover that OTHER Avengers movie – the 1998 abomination starring Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman as posh, droll British secret agents attempting to stop Sir Sean Connery from holding the British ecosystem for ransom (we think).
A disastrous adaptation of the cult 1960s TV show, The Avengers features awful late-90s CGI, a confusing and nonsensical plot, bored, wooden acting, and the lamest excuse for “camp” we’ve ever seen. Put on your bowler hat, sip some tea (British people only drink tea, right? That’s all we got from this film) and climb in your man-sized hamster ball for our drinking game and review of The Avengers!
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THIS EPISODE’S DRINK: DeWynter of Your Discontent
2 parts London dry gin
1 part blackberry brandy
3 parts pomegranate tea
3 parts raspberry tea
dash bitters
orange peel, garnish
Combine and shake ingredients; pour into glass. Lightly burn orange peel over flame and drop peel into drink.
DRINKING RULES FOR THE AVENGERS:
- Every time someone says a pun (drink twice for weather-related puns)
- British iconography/culture nods (Big Ben, tea, macaroons, the Queen)
- Ominous storm clouds
FINISH YOUR DRINK WHEN:
Eddie Izzard, playing the head henchman, says his only line in the film: “Oh, fuck!”
Check us out next week when we get in touch with our feminine sides and review the Audrey Hepburn classic/Asian minstrel show Breakfast at Tiffany’s!
